News Summary

• Jobi McAnuff unexpectedly resigned the Reading captaincy this morning, citing “irreconcilable differences” and - I quote - “the trite and clichéd crime novel you keep on telling me that you’re writing” Danny Guthrie’s been late on four separate occasions this week as he was “trimming his mohawk”, and don’t get me started on Gozie Ugwu.
• The enigmatic young buck keeps pulling out of drills due to sudden and unexplained nosebleeds, and earlier today, his eyes rolled back into his skull while muttering the word “embargo” to himself.
• 2013 itself is proving to be a cruel and unforgiving mistress.
• Jessie J and Macklemore rule the popular music charts with combined iron fist and lung.